I’d rather be doing something else right now, but I’m writing.

I’d rather be making something right now, exploring one of the 74 ideas I just thought of, or going on an adventure. But I’m writing.

My least favorite subject in school was English. I loved the teachers, I still remember the books we read, but I hated writing the essays. I increased the required double spacing to 2.1 and found the fonts that made a 1.5 page essay into 2 pages. In college, I jumped through hoops to get a writing requirement paired with my ceramics class so I could get away with writing as little as possible. 

It’s just hard for me to sit and write out thoughts. Not because I’m void of reflections, ideas, or my own “aha moments,” I’m just not wired with the desire or discipline to sit still long enough to find the right words to untangle scattered thoughts into something that’s comprehensible. Writing requires you to slow down, think through one thing at a time, and in this exact moment I’m thinking through this week’s meal prep, materials I need to get for an outdoor planter I’m making, advent devotional content I need to do for work, freelance projects for the week, laundry I need to do before my son’s swim class tonight, and… you get the idea. I’m sure that triggered your own to-do list while you’re slowing down enough to read this. Slowing down and focusing is hard, it takes practice, and it’s not how we operate in 2022 anymore. 

Because I’m not naturally inclined to write and I’m out of practice in the art of slowing down, everything I type out I doubt. After every thought, I circle through the same questions: Does this even make sense? Where did I miss the Oxford comma? Now that I’ve put words to thoughts and ideas, does it even matter? Does anyone care?

Here’s the answer I keep landing on to the later questions - I’m not sure if anyone else cares or not, but either way, it does matter. My thoughts, my process, my ideas, my journey, my heart, my perspective, my contribution to the people and the world around me matters. While I work on growing my writing muscles, I’m also growing my ability to trust my instincts, acknowledge gifts and abilities God has given me for purposes greater than me, and be unapologetic for how God has made me. I am a creative, passionate, follower of Jesus with encouragement, insight, and valuable perspective to share with others. Maybe one day I can add thoughtful, provoking writer to the list.